We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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