Already got asked if we're dating
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
