before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
