My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
