It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
