my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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