you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
