after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
