a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Randomize
