Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
