My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
