I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
