in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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