good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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