I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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