From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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