She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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