I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
