During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sext me about skeletons
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
