Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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