rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
