Just cropdusted the office
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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