I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
