1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
