so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
