The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
