I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
