so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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