i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
