I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
