We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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