at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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