You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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