forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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