Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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