Got a toothbrush?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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