Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
