Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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