apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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