So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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