the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
