If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
