Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
