he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
