New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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