Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
