She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
