After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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