Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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