i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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