You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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