why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
