News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
