dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
