On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
