conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
