I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
