God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
