The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
