He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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