New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
