im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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