He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
