you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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