everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
