first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the condom got lost in my hair
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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