Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
