I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
