how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
