There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize