Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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