ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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